We’re a growing group – Generation Xers who fulfilled their dream of making Aliyah, leaving their parents and extended family behind. Whether in pursuit of our own spiritual fulfillment, Zionist beliefs, search for like-minded communities (or, let’s be honest, affordable Jewish education), we relocated our young families and careers, and adapted to Israeli living. Our parents continued their lives, rooted in their established communities and relationships in Scarsdale, Evanston, Encino or Boca. They shuttled back and forth to Israel, and we visited them once a year and enjoyed their spacious home, community pool, and trips to Target.

Nearly 20 years later, Mom and Dad seem to need more and more help and involvement. You want to be there for your parents, offer them the support they need and deserve, but you live far away.

Oceans away.

Last time you visited your parents, you noticed that the fridge was empty and the gutters hadn’t been cleaned.

Mom was having a hard time reaching dishes on top shelves.

Dad seemed to lose his balance easily.

Mom, usually gregarious and cheery, seemed quiet and often didn’t complete her thoughts.

You begin to worry.

You dream of your parents moving to Israel – close to you and your children – so you can take care of them. Perhaps they have always dreamed of Aliyah, but were hesitant due to financial, lingual, community or career oriented constraints.

Moving your parents to Israel is indeed a great option, but proceed armed with knowledge and reasonable expectations. Plan well and carefully. Here are some things to consider:

Decision Making

Relationships between parents and children clearly change over time, but resist the temptation to reverse roles and “parent” your parent. Your parents’ need to retain their independence can be at odds with even your most well-intentioned “suggestions”. Facilitate discussion with your parents about moving to Israel, while respecting their rights to make their own decisions… even small ones. Be sure to include their preferences in the planning process. Even though it might be more convenient for you and your family if your parents live within walking distance, what do they want? Is there a social scene for seniors in your area? If they live near you, will they need a car? Will they be able to manage the licensing process and are they equipped for (aggressive) Israeli driving culture? Is there adequate public transportation?

Excitement, with a Side Order of Anxiety

The Aliyah process will be challenging for your parents, both physically and emotionally. In the stress, remind yourself that with “coming to Israel” your parents are also leaving (and may never return to) their home, friends, culture, and language. They will be saying goodbye to the grocery store clerk they know by name and possibly the graves of friends and family who have passed.

You will need to be supportive and patient as your parents face the emotional challenges of packing up the house (and potentially downsizing possessions), determining what to take, what to donate and what to sell. Consider the physical demands of a lengthy flight: will a family member join your parents on the flight? Do they require medical equipment on the flight such as an oxygen tank or a mobility aid?

The Housing Debate

There are many good housing options for seniors in Israel ranging from private apartments to retirement villages, assisted living complexes and nursing homes. Take time to discuss with your parents their needs and priorities, including current and future care needs, looking conscientiously at financial resources. Settle on a preferred geographic region and become aware of realistic costs of living in various settings. Your parents may be entitled to social benefits through Bituach Leumi (Israeli Insurance Institute) and Chok Siyud (Nursing Care Law). Take a deep breath as you take on Israeli bureaucracy – don’t be shy to ask for help from family, friends and professionals.

Look Beyond the “Pre-Aliyah” Process

Once your parents are on Israeli soil and the logistics of Aliyah are behind you, your parents will need a good deal of support integrating into Israeli society, including setting up their medical, financial and legal infrastructure.

Be realistic about how much time and attention increasing care will require: can you and your siblings manage alone? Identify medical professionals before you need them, such as a geriatrician, audiologist, and ophthalmologist. Even if your parents have executed a will and powers of attorney, connect them with a family lawyer to execute a set of Israeli documents (their U.S. documents will not govern in Israel).

Look for social and intellectual activities that will help your parents lead an active and satisfying life: perhaps an Ulpan for retirees where they can not only learn Hebrew but also meet other senior Olim. Check out local lectures, cultural events in English and classes like fitness, dance, bridge or choir.

Before you know it, they will have stepped into the rhythm of Israeli society, taking advantage of all that Israel has to offer its senior citizens. In fact, you may find yourself begging your newly Israeli mother or father to schedule in time for you. Halevai.

Learn More About Senior Aliyah Services